Sunday, June 15, 2008

My So-Called "Quarter-Life Crisis"

Everyone knows about "mid-life crisis," but in my friends over the past ten years I have noticed what I have come to call the "quarter-life crisis." It strikes anywhere from 24 to 30 and consists of sudden floundering panics, "What am I doing?" "Is this REALLY what I want to do with the rest of my life?" "Shouldn't I own property by now?" among many other haunting questions that instantly put you in a sweat. My husbands quarter life crisis caused him to quit being an actor and go back to school for a Masters in Public Policy and Management from DePaul University. He's hoping to save the world. Aren't we all.


I am sure I am not the first person to define this phenomenon. It may have been occuring to every generation since the dawn of time. Maybe back in the day, when people only lived to fifty, there were twelve year olds wandering around hoping their needlepoint would be enough to catch them a good husband. I don't know. When I was twenty and Mike (my husband) started his I thought it was hilarious to see that wild look in his eyes. But a year ago, it wasn't so funny anymore. Because suddenly I was in it.


It started when I realized how bitchy I would get during a run. Mike gets up and leaves for work before I wake up in the morning and would be asleep when I got home. We could talk on the phone occasionally, but he's at work, so that's limitted. (Although I do abuse this terribly, the poor guy) But we had most Saturday mornings before I would leave for the show. Sundays he would head off for church, but I got home a little earlier on Sundays, a whole hour before he would go to sleep! And then Monday evenings, our oasis of the week. Then there are all the social functions I miss. Can't go to that party, or that play, or out for that drink. And it wears on me. I pick. and pick. and scratch. About mundane things that were no big deal during the lulls between shows. One day Mike asked me "when I was going to stop running shows?" That was over a year ago. I hadn't even thought about it. Theatre is my love. How could I leave it? The initial thought of changing careers didn't scare me, but the more I thought about the options the more overwhelmed I got. But it took me a whole year to come to grips with not running shows.


So brain spinning "What now?"
Here I am being thoughtful (in my handknit sweater).

A differant form of sound engineer? I hate to admit I have fallen a little out of love with sound as a job. Equipment and it's upkeep gives me a headache. Since I've been out of school I haven't talked to very many sound people and have lost my vocabulary. Reading about sound, even in college was no fun. So I don't think it's where my heart is. I hope to get back to enjoying performances, which is where my love of sound came from, and is a thing I definitly miss with this job. Not only do I not get to see shows, I'm in a booth, with crappy monitor sound. blah.


Librarian? Don't really want to go back to school at this moment. But I love books and libraries and research. It may still be in my future. Just not right now.


Something with my true love knitting? I hate the way I turned against sound. I don't want my knitting to become odious. I enjoy doing occassional commissions, but not interested in more. I did contact a local yarn dyer for a job, but they are not looking now and I'm afraid I was too forward. Oh well.


This brings me to my long time love Paper Source. It's a perfect fit for me right now. I hope to work there, in an enviroment that I find truly stimulating. And there are so many fascets of this business that intrigue me. There is just the simple possibilities in management and upward mobility. There is also the department that creates the sample/display items for their kits. Then they have a custom design department. How cool would that be?!?


So that's where I've ended up. It has taken some time and now I have to get the job. It's June and I'm not available until late AUGUST!!! But I'm working on my resume ect, and plan to go introduce myself and my hopes that they'll give me some encouragement and the next opening they have. Trying to get a job. A whole new thing to make my head spin.

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